I won’t be passive about the evil destroying women and children

greyscale photo of woman sitting on chair
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First I want to confess, I’m a coward by nature. I, like Pilate, avoid conflict, washing my hands of decisions that might cost me peace. Without the reigns of the Spirit of Jesus in my life, I would trot off down the path of keeping peace, shutting my mouth. I would disguise my passivity, hoping it would come off as piety- seeing both sides of an issue- yet never taking a stand.  That said, I am my mother’s daughter, and when I smell injustice I want to hunt down the predator and rescue the prey from his mouth.  But most of the time this fierceness gets stamped out by the part of me that doesn’t want to deal with the damage my truth-telling might cause- mostly I don’t want to be cut off, or cast out.  This putrid, passive stance would be me without Jesus every day.  But I’m not without him. He exposed me with his words, rescued me with his line in the sand, calling me daughter.  He’s been making me brave ever since, trading my peace-keeping comfort-lust for peace-making confrontation-in-love.

Taking up your cross and following Jesus is not a self-flagellating quality that proves your worth. Taking up your cross and following Jesus is what the Bible Project call, “the way of the exile.” It’s a practice of what they call subversive hope, where by both speaking boldly and serving self-sacrificially, a Christian exposes evil and suffers the pain of another’s sin and judgement.

So I need to take up a cross and say something: Deliberately destroying the life of an unborn human being is evil.  Saying that, I hear my friends and my passionately-left, now-with-Jesus grandma’s argument that the evil done to women is too great and that if someone has to die, it shouldn’t be the woman or girl.  I see both sides. I can’t help it. The self-preserving nature in me would see both perspectives and say nothing. But Jesus, who said to the woman at the well, “You’re right. You’ve had 5 husbands and the man you’re with now isn’t your husband,” and then offered her his life, won’t let me be silent about the evil destroying women and their children.

The argument that Pro-Life anti-abortionists are hypocrites because they don’t do anything but protest abortion and make women in vulnerable positions feel condemned is an attempt at diversion. In a tweet thread I read today (can’t remember who wrote it) the writer pointed out that just because a person stands openly against abortion and for the life of the unborn doesn’t mean they are not doing their part to support women and girls in crisis with unwanted pregnancies. It doesn’t mean they aren’t for life-preserving sacrifices for the elderly, the disabled, the immigrant, the poor and the marginalized.

The argument that women in crisis shouldn’t have to go through the torment of pregnancy and child-rearing or the torture of giving their child up for adoption comes down to a belief about suffering and human worth. If you believe that the woman’s life or quality of life is more valuable than the unborn child’s life or quality of life then you believe the child should suffer the death required to keep the mother alive and well. But if you believe that someone is going to have to die in this sin-bearing relationship of mother to child, and you believe it should be the strong who lays down their life for the weak, then the mother should be the one to suffer the daily death and maybe even the ultimate death to give a child life.

Giving life to another always involves some dying to self. It’s just the way life works. Even seeds have to die for plants to be born.

I’m reading the Dignity Revolution right now (finally). Last night I read this:

“…I wonder, had I been a German Christian, living under the rule of the Third Reich, would I have possessed the unyielding conviction to resist the pressure to conform, to see the Jews as less than human? Would I have had the courage to step forward and affirm in my actions the dignity of those being sent off to their deaths, even at a high cost to my own privilege?” (Chapter 2)

It’s easy to look back on the Holocaust and be aghast at the atrocities, condemning those who were explicit, implicit and passive in the evil done to Jews. It’s so obvious. How could they have thought it justifiable? The same way we do.

One day, just as Karen Swallow Prior wrote at Vox, posterity will look back on me, on us, and be appalled at the evil we perpetuated, justified or did nothing to speak against or stop.  As I live in the presence of the One who laid down his life for me, I cannot be silent.

Today, I saw a clip from a PBS documentary on elective abortion.  In the short clip, a woman early in her pregnancy with twins took the first of the two medications that would kill her unborn babies. And she knew it. And at the end of the clip she said, “What I hope I feel, is a sense of peace, not only with myself and the decision that I’ve made, but also a sense of peace with these two beings that I’ve chosen not to bring into the world. Thank you for choosing me. And I’m honored to be given this gift of life. And also I can’t do it right now. I can’t accept that mantle in terms of the other lives that I’m taking care of and I’m responsible for.”

Life is always born out of someone else’s sacrifice, someone else’s sort of death.  Confusion breeds evil. This woman’s confusion about where life comes from, and who should die has her believing the evil that says, “Life. You can take it or leave it. It doesn’t have to cost you anything.” But the truth is all life is born at the tearing, the bleeding, the breaking, the dying of one for another.

I hear the critics of my convictions about abortion crying foul and I am listening. I’m examining myself. I’m asking what I can do to apply my belief about suffering and sacrifice and life and human worth to all human beings, no matter their sexual orientation, color of skin, immigration status, age, religion, income or addictions. I believe I should die. I should lay down my life. I should be willing to suffer so that others might live. I believe husbands should do this for their wives, and leaders should do this for their followers and mothers should do this for their children, and Christians should do this for their neighbors.  All of them.

Thoughts on late term abortion from a labor and delivery nurse perspective

grayscale photography of woman holding ultrasound photo
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It’s hard for me to remain calm while thinking about the insanity behind bills like the ones in Virginia and New York that seek to make normal and acceptable the act of ending the life of a late-term, pre-born human baby; and in the Virginia case, a newborn infant.  But I’m going to try to remain calm and hopefully speak some reason into the insanity from my perspective as a nurse who has worked in labor and delivery.

When I became a nurse 18 years ago I worked in a labor and delivery unit in a large county and small town in Southwest Oregon.  During my 4 years there I saw early and late gestation fetal demise (the death of an unborn child early and late in the pregnancy), full-term seemingly healthy infants die in resuscitation, deliveries of infants with serious health problems and still birth.  I also witnessed many healthy, normal deliveries.  In some of those situations when the mother’s health was at serious risk, we delivered them of their babies, often premature and then we took every measure possible to save their babies lives. Sometimes the babies lived. Sometimes they did not.  In some cases the mother had to endure the pain of labor or the pain of surgery with the torture of grieving the unexpected death of their child.  In other cases mothers experienced the pain of labor or surgery with the joy of a new life, which would soon be mixed with the pain of healing and long-sleepless nights followed by a life of self-sacrifice to raise the child.

I have read through some of the arguments of  women I respect about why they think these late-term abortion laws are needed.  The argument about women having the right to do with their body what they want without government interference I’m not going to address here except to say, I agree. It’s your body and you should have the right to care for it without interference from the government. But when you cross over from caring for your body to harming another body that’s a whole other argument. The human growing in a woman’s womb is not her body. She may not want that human growing in her body. But it’s not her body. But I digress. What I want to address here are the two arguments I keep hearing that pull at our heart strings and should be wisely considered.

It’s Not Fair to Make a Woman Suffer When Her Baby Will Die Anyway

What about the woman who’s infant is severely deformed and will die as soon as he/she is delivered?  Why should the woman have to go through the suffering and dangers of pregnancy and delivery?

When you’re in the last trimester of pregnancy, there is no way around the pain and suffering your body is going to have to endure. For that matter, no matter the stage of pregnancy, even if you miscarry (spontaneously abort) at an early gestation, you’re body is going to go through some pain and healing.  If you delivery your baby and he or she is dead or dies soon after birth or even days or weeks after birth, you’re going to suffer. Your body is going to hurt and have to heal. You’re going to go through the stages of grief and face the demons that want to destroy every postpartum woman.  And if you elect to abort, you’re going to suffer. Your body is going to hurt and have to go through the healing process. You’re going to have to deal with the emotional trauma of the death of your baby and the decision you have made.

I believe delivering a pre-term infant that is putting the health of a mom at serious risk or the election to deliver a severly deformed infant pre-term who will not survive a normal labor and delivery at full term is physically and emotionally the healthiest way to walk through the pain and suffering of death and birth together. There’s no need for an abortion. When the oath, “do no harm” is taken, the life of the mother and the child are upheld. There will be pain and delivery and death. When harm is elected as the only option to uphold one life over another, there will still be pain and delivery and death, but with the added torture of being put in a position where people think you shouldn’t grieve because you chose to have an abortion.

My point is, when it comes to pregnancy and abortion, delivering the woman of a child, whether wanted or not will come with pain and suffering, and aborting a child will also inflict upon the woman pain and suffering. Choosing to abort your late-term baby does not delivery you of pain or suffering. I believe we honor the necessary grieving process and the image of God in both the woman and the baby human when we deliver a woman of her child, not abort her child.

The Pro-Life People Are Hypocrites

What about the hypocrisy of those who say they are fighting for the rights of the unborn but then neglect to provide for the needs of unwanted children and mothers and father’s struggling under the weight of raising children?

People who make this argument as a justification for abortion are rightly inditing pro-lifers, but they’re crossing wires. It’s hypocrisy and a shame that people will march and be filled with vitriol over abortion but do nothing to care for unwanted children.

I recently wrote a post about how even the unwillingness some of us have to lower ourselves to teach children the gospel exposes our hypocrisy in our pro-life stance. But the fact that so many among the religious right, or conservative Christians fail to do what they are commanded by God to do: care for orphans and welcome children…all children, does not mean women should be empowered to end the life of their unborn child.

The blood of many of these children may very well be on the hands of us who have done nothing to care for the children lost in the foster care system and the mothers and children living in poverty and without the gospel and love of the church.  But that evil does not justify the evil of abortion.

My perspective as a labor and delivery nurse comes from a Christian ethic which says all people are created in the image of God.  That means the unborn, the severely deformed, the grieving and guilty mother, the single-mom, the teenager who’s grown up in foster care, the disabled, the foreigner, the abortionists. This ethic means I must repent of and call out the evil we do that does not reflect the image of God. It means I must take up my cross and follow Jesus in laying down my life for women and children, whether they’ve had abortions, disabilities, been abandoned, or are just tired of the daily pains and sufferings of raising children.  It means I must be willing to suffer along side those who are suffering. It means I don’t counter evil with evil, but overcome evil by doing good.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,[g] serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:9-21


We Bear the Mark

pexels-photo-568021.jpegSince the legalization of abortion 45 years ago millions of women have bought the lie that the death of this new life forming in them will somehow save theirs. And now they live with pain and shame and mocking of that lie.

Today in thinking about being a woman, a mom, a sister, a daughter and bearing in my body the mark of redemption specifically as a woman in being granted the ability to die to myself, even to bleed so that another might live, I penned this plea to my sisters. Today they may especially feel the gnawing burden of their guilt for trying to save their own life by ending the one growing inside them.

Praying it’s a balm of healing to someone.


We Bear the Mark

by Sheila Dougal


We bear the pain
The slain
The stain
Laden with shame

It’s embarrassing
Better to say nothing
Pelvis cramping
Dark bloody foul seeping

A clockwork reminder
Pain and life together

Try to rip out the pain
With it hope for life slain

We bear the mark
Filthy rags rep the heart
Of corrupt man
And his proud plan

Woman you will bleed
One way or another
As a sign of mans vain progress
Or the sign of hope among us

But when you bleed
From sterile hands
Inserting instruments
Tearing life from your womb
Because of the lie that looms

Woman you bleed
Taking life from another
The very sign of your future
Meant to be a mother

You cannot bear the stain
The shame
The pain

Of saline burns
Or ripping limbs
Or sterile rod
Your flesh and blood within

O woman
You cannot
Labor or bear
Your bloody plot

But there is One
Who bore the pain
Your murderous stain
your child slain

No drink no pill
Can your wound heal
No high position
No compensation

Your loud proud shouts
Your rights you tout
But your shame remains
You cannot picket it away

Every month maybe two
You bleed
Filthy rags testify against you
Self-sacrificing hope
Your menstruation once spoke

But now every pain
Every bloody stain
Cries out
Innocence taken

Is there hope
Now that life you smote
You were sucked in by the lie
If you cling to your life
Someone else can die

You swallowed the seductive fruit
You’ll be happier
Have time to be wiser

But now bloody nightmare
Signs everywhere
Can’t escape
Worse than rape

Your bloody sign
You were supposed to die
Not that innocent life inside

You were made in the image
Of the One who bore your shame
Your stains
Your blame

He died he bled
Laid down his life
In your stead

This is the hope
In every woman’s bleeding
In every cramp and pain
In every long night no sleeping

Not that we can save ourselves
Or even our inconvenient progeny
But that we bear the mark
Of the Savior of humanity

He who bled for our sins
Placed this sign in our endometrium
To bleed for another
Life giving bloody womb of a mother

Oh dear woman
You may not know
But something inside
Haunts as it lies

You know your lost
Deep in sins pride
It eats you alive
And mocks while you die

You thought you could cling
To your life and be free
But instead
Holding tight bleeding death
You’ve lost your meaning

Wake up wake up
It is a nightmare indeed
But Christ has come
Giving life while he bleeds

Don’t stay in that trap
One more second don’t pass
There’s life to be found
Your guilt nailed thru his wound

You didn’t let your body be torn
So a new life could be born
Instead you were ripped
Dilated and delivered death

He knows
He was there
When the flagellum tore
Your homicide he bore

There is no escape
Unless you turn to him
Your pride grip on life
Will leave your hands dripping foul
Sliding down into deaths mocking howl

Let the blood of your womb
Take your mind to the one
Who took your guilt to the tomb

O woman
O mother
O daughter of Eve
You bear the mark
Not of you but of He


Thoughts On Abortion in America: Hope and the Gospel in My Crisis Pregnancy

Tomorrow is the 44th anniversary of the famous Roe vs. Wade decision by the Supreme Court which put into motion the legal killing of unborn babies in the United States.

From that date to today over 59 million babies have been aborted in this country alone. To put that in perspective, about 6 million Jewish people were slaughtered by the Nazi regime during WWII. That means the killing of babies in the United States is 10 times that of the precious lives taken in the holocaust.  I wonder if we’ll ever look back on abortion in the United States with the same horror and shock as we do the holocaust.  I wonder if we’ll ever think, “How could we have done that!!??”

My Mom’s Crisis Pregnancy

I was born the year after Roe vs. Wade was decided. I am my mom’s first viable pregnancy. I was thinking about that today. My mom didn’t have a crisis pregnancy as a teenager. She wasn’t pregnant as the result of incest or rape. But she did have a pregnancy that threatened her life.

My mom’s last pregnancy, I guess technically, would be considered an abortion. She had an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy that could have taken her life had the doctor not removed the ovary and fallopian tube where her newly developing baby was growing causing the rupture of her fallopian tube and emergency surgery. I’m sure the folks who defend a woman’s right to abortion would site my mom’s situation as one of the reasons abortion needs to be a legal, medical procedure in the United States. I guess people will spin things the way that serves them best. The doctor did not perform an abortion to save my mother’s life. He saved my mother’s life by stoping the hemorrhage from a ruptured fallopian tube. The life that was growing in that dying place died as a result of that place being incompatible with human life. She grieved the loss of that life and three others who died before they could breathe outside her womb.

I’ve been thinking today about the fact that neither my mom, nor I have any idea what it feels like to be in a crisis pregnancy, but in thinking it through I’ve decided we both knew crisis in our pregnancies.  My mom was pregnant for the first 7 years of her marriage and married to a mill worker who provided a home, food on the table, and a car to drive, but it wasn’t fancy. Someone else in my mom’s shoes may have felt she couldn’t handle another pregnancy. It would cost too much. It could effect her health. It was emotionally distressing. I’m sure my mom felt overwhelmed. And each pregnancy did damage my mom’s body and caused financial strain. She suffers this day from horrible varicose veins that were tremendously worsened by her 3 vaginal births and 7 pregnancies. My mom struggled with hormonal changes, depression and emotional distress due to having babies. And there were times I remember that she came home with a cardboard box of government issued cheese, rice, beans and canned foods because my dad was laid off work and her small hairdressing, babysitting, housecleaning and flower arranging jobs were not enough to feed a family of five.

I’m so thankful for a mom who gave of herself for my sake and the sake of my brother and sister and the 4 in heaven.

My Crisis Pregnancy

I wanted desperately to be pregnant 10 years into my marriage and was told I wouldn’t conceive without medical intervention. My strained marriage didn’t need a baby to support and so my husband was actually relieved to hear he wouldn’t need to worry about that. But God heard my cries at 29 and I conceived Connor. My husband wasn’t happy. I felt the weight of burden increase when Connor was born. My broken marriage was barely holding together and now we had a child to raise. My body didn’t quite know what to do with itself in the months after Connor was born and at one point I was so sick the doctors thought I had Hodgkins lymphoma. But by the time Connor was a year old my body was starting to recover and I found out I was pregnant again. I’m sure that would be the point at which some might say I was in a crisis pregnancy. Maybe. I’d say it was 6 months later when my husband left me.

I was seven months pregnant. 28 weeks. Barely viable. I’m sure for some that would have been the crisis that led them to a Planned Parenthood where they would have been directed to make an appointment to terminate a 28 week pregnancy. Instead I was in a hospital getting turbutaline shots and Magnesium Sulfate to stop my preterm labor probably caused by the stress of my family falling apart. Ryland was my crisis pregnancy, but the crisis never led me to think I needed to end his life, rather it led me to call on the One who was knitting that life together in my womb.

My crisis pregnancy was where I walked with God like I never had before.

Hope and The Gospel of Christ

As I’ve been thinking about abortion in the United States today I’ve thought about how I can’t identify with the women who are choosing this. But I want to.

I think my lack of feeling a connection with women who choose abortion comes down to hope. I have hope. I had hope. I knew who I was and Whose I was and so when crisis came when I was pregnant, and when crisis came when my mom was pregnant, we depended on the promise of God- that we are his children, that he would never leave us or forsake us and that he would work all things for our good.

And it’s not just hope that is different in my case, it’s the gospel.  I knew the gospel of Christ when my crisis pregnancy came and I clung to it!  Christ died to give us life. I believe that. And I believe that is the life we are made to live- a dying-to-self life.  A mom’s life is a bearing of stretch marks, weight gain, postpartum depression, grief and pain from babies who’ve died in our wombs and wombs that have died too.  It’s a bearing of varicose veins, hormonally induced hair loss, emotional instability, painful periods, financial strain, relational strife and a thousand other ways moms die daily to take up our cross and follow Jesus as we love our children more than ourselves.

The women who choose abortion have no hope outside what they can do for themselves and they don’t see their life in Christ so that they know if they cling to their life (even at the expense of the life growing inside them) they’ll loose it, but if they loose their life in a thousand ways everyday for Christ’s sake for the baby that is being knit together in their wombs, they’ll live!

Abortion is a Symptom

The thousands of abortions performed in the United States today weren’t medically necessary abortions because a woman is hemorrhaging and a ruptured fallopian tube needed to be removed to save her life.  The blood of our babies cries out because of our self-centered darkness.  We kill our babies when we were made to die and suffer for them.  Every life that ever lived was born by a woman.  We were made to give birth to life though it rips us apart.  We were made to be fed off of and give and give and give of ourselves that another might live and live and live.  We were made this way because we were made in the image of God.  Abortion is a symptom of the denial of that purpose.  Without the conviction that were are image of God bearers we can create any sort of reality that suits us.  But the truth is the truth.  If we cling to our lives we’ll loose it.  If we keep killing our babies to save our lives it will destroy us.  But if we loose our lives in the image of the One who made us, we will live.  Even though we die daily.

Moms are The Giving Tree

Have you read the book The Giving Tree?  You probably have.  It’s iconic.  But if you haven’t you should.  The Giving Tree testifies to the fact that we know it noble and right to give of yourself even if it costs you your life.  We know this enough to write a timeless children’s book about it.  Moms are the Giving Tree in the flesh!  We are made to give life not take it.  Even it when it takes life from us.  Its beautiful.  Its Christ-like.  It honors the One who died on a tree to give us life!

I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do now.  But after thinking about this all day I know I want to be more conscious of the high calling I have as a mom to the 13 and 12 year old sons I’m still bearing.  And I want to be part of stopping the women who are stumbling to the slaughter, blindly going against the Christ-like nature they were created to display.

The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. -Genesis 3:13

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.  -1 Peter 2:21-24

Sunday thoughts and an open letter

It always feels good to sleep in. For me, 6:30 is sleeping in. So when I woke up at 7:15 this morning I felt like I’d slept my life away!  But boy did it feel good.  

The girls were ready for me when I got out to the milking area this morning.  All their calls said, “Where have you been?!”

I love the quiet mornings filling feeders, collecting eggs, and the tinny sound of hot, fresh milk hitting the empty stainless steel bucket.  And now that it’s cold outside in the morning it’s just so refreshing and quiet and peaceful.

I haven’t been able to be at church for several weeks now.  Between having to work on Sundays (more than I’d like) and Connor’s baseball tournament schedule I haven’t been able to make it.  But in the hit and miss months I think we’ve settled on a church family.  The Refuge meets at a community center near 107th avenue and Camelback.  Good friends of ours recently started meeting there and invited us.  There is no perfect church.  The requirements are there.  The abundance of fluff, smoke and mirrors is not.  That’s about as close to perfect as it gets for me.  We’ve been at a few great churches in the weeks I’ve been looking.  There are some great Bible teaching, gospel preaching, Christ-centered, worshipful churches out there.  Some of them I’d actually prefer to settle down at, but they’re far away and my kids haven’t made a connection with anyone.  At the Refuge my middle school boys know a fellow middle school aged boy already and the youth group meets on a Wednesday night which allows for the boys to still get together with their peers and learn about God together.  I like that.  I want that for them.

I took the boys to the Arizona Science Center after church.  We’ve been before but it seemed to be more of hit this year than when we went last.  Ryland was enamored with the 3D printer.  Connor was fascinated with the water works and gears.  Tells me something about them.

This morning I read a post on Facebook that shook me.  The person posted their feelings about the latest shooting in Colorado at a Planned Parenthood.  She aligned the man who did the shooting with right-winged conservative Christians and seemed to think this deranged man who killed three people was a representative of a Christian who is anti-abortion.

My mind went into high gear.  In my head I wrote her a whole letter.  I didn’t post it.  I don’t know if I should have or not.  I don’t want to come across as a knee-jerk reaction Christian who rants about all the things they’re “against”.  I want my life to this woman to say:  She’s a Christian.  And I know because of the way she treats people.

She may never read this, and maybe, if God gives me the grace and the courage and if it’s even necessary, maybe she and I could talk about it.  But just to get it off my chest here’s an open letter to the Facebook world:

Dear Facebook friend, 

I read your post and had a flood of thoughts.   

I wanted you to know that this man in Colorado Springs is not representative of a true Christian.   

I’m a Christian woman who opposes abortion and knows nothing about the hashtag #alllivesmatter.  But I do believe all lives matter.  And I know this man was not a Christian no matter what he said.  Nor was he for life, no matter what he said.  A true Christian lays down their life for others.  They don’t take others lives to achieve some kind of moral state they think there should be.   

To me, both this man and the men and women who perform abortions, commit appalling acts of horror because they take life from a person according to their own judgements of what is right and wrong.   

What is right and wrong?  Who gets to decide?  The man with the gun on a snowy morning at a Colorado Planned Parenthood?  Or the practitioner in an exam room with a young woman on the table and the lethal saline about to be injected into her womb to stop the beating heart of her unborn human baby?   

I wonder what the logic is behind defending either one of those people’s actions?   

I guess it comes down to what you believe.   

If you believe we’re all highly evolving species of living matter randomly generated by time and chance, then why is it wrong for any Homo Sapien to take the life of another Homo Sapien?   

No one writes CNN headline stories and is grieved or appalled, demanding justice in the pride of lions when one lion kills another.  And it’s not just because we’re more highly evolved than the lion.  We demand justice and are grieved when people are murdered because we know right from wrong.  We know there is such a thing as evil.  And the only reason why we should know such a thing is if some kind of law higher than our own opinions governs the human race.   

I believe those precious lives taken by that man in Colorado are precious because they bear the image of God. They know right from wrong and were made to represent in their nature the wonders of the Creator who made them.  

What happened at that Colorado Springs Planned Parenthood the other day is evil.  And I grieve.    

I think one day we’ll look back at the horrors of abortion in the United States like we look back at the horrors of the genocide in Auschwitz in WWII.  Because we know right from wrong.  We know evil from good.   

I believe the world will get to see what real Christians are like more and more as these days of terror, and evil and violence progress.   They aren’t out to kill those who do what they don’t agree with.  They are out to lay down their lives for those they don’t agree with.  

With love and a heavy heart,


Mothers, Kings, Spider Webs and Arrogance

WARNING: HEAVY POST!  I have to get some things off my chest.

Hezekiah the son of Ahaz, king of Judah, began to reign. He was twenty-five years old when he began to reign, and he reigned twenty-nine years in Jerusalem. His mother’s name was Abi the daughter of Zehariah.  And he did what was right in the eyes of the LORD.” – 2 Kings 18:2

Manasseh was twelve years old when he began to reign, and he reigned fifty-five years in Jerusalem.  His mother’s name was Hephzibah.  And he did what was evil in the sight of the LORD...” -2 Kings 21:1-2

Josiah was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned thirty-one years in Jerusalem.  His mother’s name was Jedidah… And he did what was right in the eyes of the LORD…” -2 Kings 22:1-2

A mother can change the course of an entire nation.  A mother is one of the most powerful and influential people in the world!  And all power is given, and taken, from Almighty God.  What a high and amazing calling we’ve been given as servants of Christ to be mothers!

Maybe one of the greatest lies of feminism is that motherhood is slavery or drudgery or a waste of talent and power.  Mothers stand in a position of power at least as great as kings and presidents… they are the molders of kings and presidents.  Not that these verses are about mothers.  And not that mothers are to be worshipped (feminism can swing the other way too).  God saw fit to include the names of the mothers of some kings who effected radical change on their nation for good or evil.  If He saw fit to include it, I think I should pay attention.

Each child is responsible for their own actions before God alone, and his mother is responsible for her actions in molding the future leader of a nation before God alone.

I hate pornography!  It’s a drug more powerful and more destructive than cocaine and heroin combined!  Apart from the moral putridness of it, this science should be enough to cause alarm for us residents of a pornified culture. If I could champion a social cause, the obliteration of pornography would be one of them!  Hezekiah removed similar “high places” in his day.  Maybe God would raise up a son of this mere momma to do the same!  It’s poison that has personally damaged my psyche and the psyche of many.

You know it’s funny to me how we are.  Actually it’s not funny at all, it’s a horror!

I love Christ’s righteousness and I hate man’s.  You know why?  Christ’s righteousness is unchanging!  It’s solid.  You know what’s right.  It doesn’t change and have a 5000 page legal-lingo code full of loop-holes to describe it.  Christ’s righteousness is pure!  It’s totally free of perversion or filth.  It doesn’t say something is evil for you, but for me it’s ok as long as no one gets hurt.  Man’s righteousness is a tangled web full of trap doors and booby traps and poisonous spiders.

For example:

On one floor of one building a newly forming human life is being fought for with thousands of dollars of medical technology and specialized doctors and nurses, while on another floor, in the same building, that same newly forming human life is be burned alive in his mother’s womb or slowly ripped, limb from limb.  I hate man’s righteousness!

I’ve worked in women’s health as a nurse since 2001.  NEVER, never, does a physician have to kill an unborn baby to save the life of a mother!  NEVER!!  But ALWAYS, always, a physician must DELIVER an unborn baby to save the life of a mother.  If the unborn baby is unable to live outside the womb, every measure is taken to give life an opportunity to take hold, and a mother an opportunity to grieve.  The prescription for a pregnant woman who’s life is in danger due to her pregnancy is always the delivery of the baby.  Never the killing of the baby.

And then we wonder why the news is full of stories of young women killing their newly born children.  Why should she be prosecuted when in a sterile building in her town the same act could be done as a “right” and called a medical procedure?

I hate man’s ideas of what’s right!

I love Christ’s idea of what’s right:

“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” -Matthew 18:5-6

A society, a person who seeks to preserve life, may loose many a life, nevertheless the honor of Imago Dei is upheld and the health of the person and society grows.

In case you or a loved one is toxic with the poison of pornography, here are a few resources I have found very helpful:

1.  Encouragement and Truth

2.  Practical Gospel Help

3.  Accountability Help

I do not take this for granted.  This is most remarkable.  That I would be given the privilege to address the most influential people in the world… A woman on her knees, sways more in this nation than a thousand three-piece suited, Wallstreet jerks.” -John Piper

“Men look at pornography out of an arrogant desire to see women in a way that God does not allow. They show arrogant defiance to God’s commands, rejecting the delight of sexual intimacy in marriage and deciding for themselves what they believe is better — looking at naked women in porn. They show arrogant disregard for God’s call to selfless marital love. They show arrogant derision for the female actresses whom they should be seeking to respect as women who need to hear the good news of Jesus. They show arrogant disdain for their own children by hiding their sin and inviting the enemy into their home and their marriage. They show arrogant disrespect toward all those who would be scandalized if their sin were known. The root problem with men who look at porn is not neediness — it is arrogance.” (110)

“Until God is your chief concern — until sinning against him is what makes your heart break — you will never turn the corner.” 

– Finally Free, Fighting For Purity With The Power of Grace by Heath Lambert 


Gianna Jessen- Abortion Survivor

The love of Christ for men and women… for human life comes through so beautifully and powerfully in this speech. I hadn’t heard her before… all I can say is Wow! I-wanna-be-like-that-wow!

Part 1

Part 2

“Men! You are made for greatness. You are made to stand up and be men. You are made to defend women and children, not stand by and turn your head when you know murder is occuring and do nothing about it. You are not made to use women and leave us alone. You are made to be kind and great and gracious and strong and stand for something! Because men, listen to me! I am too tired to do your job!
Women. You are not made for abuse. You are not made to sit and not now your worth and your value. You are made to be fought for! Forever! So now is your moment. What sort of people are you going to be? I trust incredible. I trust, men, you will rise to the occasion. To the politicians listening, particularly to the men, I
would say this: You are made for greatness, set your politics aside. You are made to defend what is right and good. This firey young girl will stand here and say: NOW is your moment.” – Gianna Jessen.

*thanks to Fade to Black for these videos

So glad He found me ,

Isaiah 51:3

Truth fails

Have you heard of this, Whale Wars? It’s a new series on Animal Planet. I watched a piece of it the other day and here’s what angered me.

Here’s a group of people who obviously are passionate about saving the lives of a creature God made… whales. They take great risks and go to great lengths to disturb and disrupt to ultimately stop the process of whaling on the part of the Japanese.

Here’s what Animal Planet says about the groups tactics and purpose:

The Society’s fight to eradicate Japanese whaling on the high seas — where
international laws are interpreted by different countries and organizations
in different ways — utilizes some aggressive techniques, including ramming
and disabling whaling ships; disrupting whale carcass processing; engaging
in physical entanglement; and boarding and dispersing fleets of whaling
vessels. For the campaign this season, Sea Shepherd christened its vessel in
honor of the iconic conservationist Steve Irwin with the blessing of his
wife Terri, both of whom support the organization independent of Animal

Whaling has no place in the 21st century,” noted Watson. “Sea Shepherd
will not stop until the killing ends.”

Oh my heart!!! All I can hear when I read about this group, or see their show, is the silent cries of millions of unborn, and newly born humans babies… the only creature on the planet God created in His own image and in whom He puts His own Spirit… and I cry, “Infanticide and abortion has no place in the 21st century… in any century!!!!!” Will I not stop crying out until the killing ends?!

I want to cry, “How is this happening?!!! This is not right!!!! There shouldn’t be millions of dollars and programs on T.V. going to the dangerous effort of ending whaling, when the most precious of creatures on the earth are being slaughtered daily under the oppressive lie that it’s a “right” and a very “controversial issue” so one dare not speak too loudly, much less make any kind of disturbance in the process! “

Where is truth!!!!!?

I had all this on my heart this morning and then I read Elizabeth Elliot’s devotional. Here’s some of it:

Give Them Parking Space, But Let Them Starve to Death

Another moral threshold was crossed when a tiny baby boy, at the specific request of his parents and with the sanction of the Supreme Court of Indiana, was starved to death in a hospital. “Infant Doe” (he was not allowed the usual recognition of being human by being named), born with Down’s syndrome and a malfunctioning esophagus (the latter could have been corrected with surgery), died, as the Washington Post (April 18) stated, “not because he couldn’t sustain life without a million dollars worth of medical machinery, but because no one fed him.” For six days the nurses in that Bloomington hospital went about their usual routines of bathing and changing and feeding all the newborns except one. They bathed and changed Baby Doe but they never gave him a bottle. Over his crib was a notice, DO NOT FEED. Several couples came forward, begging to be allowed to adopt him. They were turned down.

What went on in that little box during those six terrible days and nights? We turn our imagination away. It’s unthinkable. But if I were to think about it, and put down on paper what my mind saw, I would be accused of playing on people’s feelings, and of making infanticide (yes, infanticide–call it what it is) an “emotional issue.” Let me suppose at least that the baby cried–quite loudly (at first). One report says that he was placed in a room alone, lest his crying disturb others (others, perhaps, who were capable of helping him).

Joseph Sobran, in his column in the Los Angeles Times Syndicate, suggested that “opposition to infanticide will soon be deplored as the dogma of a few religious sects who want to impose their views on everyone else.” The language sounds sickeningly familiar.

There has been a conspicuous silence from those who usually raise shrill protest when other human rights are violated–the rights of smokers, homosexuals, and criminals are often as loudly insisted upon as those of children, women, and the handicapped.

The handicapped? What on earth is happening when a society is so careful to provide premium parking spaces to make things easier for them, but sees no smallest inconsistency when one of them who happens to be too young to scream, “For God’s sake, feed me!” is quietly murdered? It is in the name of humanity, humaneness, compassion, and freedom that these things occur, but never is it acknowledged that the real reasons are comfort and convenience, that is, simple selfishness.
“Abortion not only prefers comfort, convenience, or advantage of the pregnant woman to the very life of her unborn child, a fundamentally good thing, but seeks to deny that the life ever existed. In this sense it is a radical denial not only of the worth of a specific life but of the essential goodness of life itself and the Providential ordering of its procreation” (R.V. Young, “Taking Choice Seriously,” The Human Life Review, Vol. VIII, no. 3.)

But weren’t we talking about infanticide and haven’t we now switched to abortion? The premises on which abortion is justified are fundamentally the same on which infanticide is seen as civilized and acceptable. What Hitler used to call eugenics is now called “quality of life,” never mind whether the life in question happens to be the mother’s or the child’s. Death, according to three doctors who put the issue out into the open in the New England Journal of Medicine in 1973, is now considered an option in the “treatment” of infants; in other words, a mortuary may now replace the nursery. One cannot help thinking of the antiseptic “shower rooms” of the Third Reich, where the unwanted were “treated” to death. Nor can one forget the words of Jesus, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40, KJV).

Can any Christian argue that the smallest and most defenseless are, by virtue merely of being too small and too defenseless, not His brethren?

Oh dear Lord Jesus! I’m overwhelmed! I immediately think of Isaiah 58, where You teach me to fast and pray, not for strife or debate, or to strike with the fist of wickedness, but to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, to break every yoke, to share with the hungry and be hospitable to the poor, and to cover those who are naked and not hide myself from my own flesh. (Isaiah 58:4,6-7). I want to fast for strife or debate about the “abortion issue”! I want to strike with the fist of wickedness like the “Sea Shepherd”… it’s what immediately rises up in me! But the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God! (James 1:20). So Your Spirit shows me the answer and the problem:

Justice is turned back, and righteousness stands afar off; for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter. So truth fails, and he who departs from evil makes himself a prey. Then the LORD saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no intercessor; therefore His own arm brought salvation for Him… He put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloak. According to their deeds, accordingly He will repay… the coastlands He will fully repay. So shall they fear the name of the LORD from the west, and His glory from the rising of the sun; when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him.”

Isaiah 59:14-16, 17-19

Truth fails in the west, in the coastlands, in the place where the rising of the sun is. And what is our part? Not to fast for debate or strife. Not to go the way of Peter in cutting off the offenders’ ear, or the way of the Sea Shepherd in pirating whaling vessels, or bombing abortion clinics… NO! Our part is departing from this evil, though in doing so we make ourselves prey!

As Elizebeth wrote, “Can any Christian argue that the smallest, and most defenseless are, by virtue of merely being too small and too defenseless, not His brethren?”

We who call ourselves the Lord’s must repent of our own sins against the lives of the small and defenseless, and depart from this evil though it makes us vulnerable to the lying, murdering culture we have had a role in creating. WE must abide, and join with, the One who has interceded for us and intercede in much praying! But we must leave the vengeance to the LORD and be thankful that He will repay in perfect justice, not so we or they will be destroyed, but so we will again fear the name of the LORD in the west, because He’ll show us His deliverance when the enemy comes in like a flood and He raises up a standard against him.

We must wait on the LORD and pray fervently and ourselves depart from evil and be willing to be vulnerable to the violence of others when we lovingly speak the truth and cry out for the smallest and the defenseless, teaching others that Christ has made the life of all humanity more valuable than any life on this earth.

May His love draw others out of lies into truth, and may we be willing to suffer as prey to prove His love in our own lives. May we be quick to repent of our own evil and quick to cover the nakedness of others praying for the perfect, loving, merciful justice of the Lord to come to us in the west… that we may fear HIM again!


About the Baby Doe case cited in Elizabeth Elliot’s article.
Redeeming the time,