confessions and desires of a world-digesting writer/eater cell

Merriam-Webster defines a writer as: (noun) One that writes.

Big shocker.

I’ve been writing, well since I was about 5.  First just letters, then short, three word sentences without punctuation, then onto complete sentences and paragraphs.  By seventh grade when I had Mrs. Spicer for English I was writing essays and stories and poems and loving it.  In between there around the age of nine I started journaling.  For me, writing has been a way to process my thoughts, feelings and circumstances.  When Jesus became real and beautiful to me at age sixteen writing was the way I processed what I was reading in the Bible and the conflicting feelings I was experiencing as an insecure girl wanting to find my place in the world.  I wrote a play for my youth group and more essays and poems and filled a few more teddy bear and flower decorated journals.  
Between those early teen years and now I have married, graduated from nursing school, labored two sons into the world and moved several times.  In between those words are years of trials and joys.  Some too hard to speak about.  All digested in the writings of my private journals.  Also in there somewhere I discovered the blog.  I had no idea.  Up till my discovery of Blogger all my writings were private letters, journals, poems and word docs.  As women in my church, close friends and family encouraged me, I began to blog more.  
In the past 10 years or so of blogging I have been introduced to the endless voices in the public square.  It’s quite overwhelming actually, the volume of published content by anyone and everyone on the internet. A simple google search on any topic will give you pages and pages of links from the famous and professional to the stay-at-home-mom who managed to squeeze in a half hour of blogging in her day full of household management tasks and human-raising efforts.  (A thought-provoking article here about the tsunami of un-governed writings and teachings available on the internet for the consumption of the church and it’s implications.)
In the beginning of my blogging efforts I set out to promote my blog- reading other blogs, commenting, participating in mommy-blog contests, etc.  And then my marriage took a dive into troubled waters.  During that time I stepped away from public writing and became aware of my mixed up priorities and the praise-seeking sin at the root of all my efforts.  Writing had ceased to be a tool for processing life.  It had become an obsessive exercise to be known.  I hated finding that out about myself.  But it was the beginning of dealing with a besetting sin that was dragging me down on my race of faith. 
As I returned to meditating on God’s words more and processing what I was finding there in private journals, I slowly returned to selectively writing on my blog again.  This time with a decision not to self-promote or to check stats or seek comments, but just to offer in a public way my meditations on God’s word and life with a prayer that it might encourage someone out there.  
Writing for me has never been an identity or profession.  To me, calling myself a writer because I write is sort of like calling myself an eater because I eat.  It’s a fact. Big deal. Writing is the way I chew on life and digest it.  Ignorantly I’ve sort of thought everyone does that.  Having two sons who don’t enjoy reading or writing like I do has taught me that not everyone experiences life best with books and ink and words.  Not everyone feels a sense that heaven might smell a lot like the intoxicating paper pages scent of Barnes and Nobel. 
Somehow, the process of digesting life that is so necessary for me has encouraged others.  I’ve been told it’s a gift.  I haven’t thought of it that way.  But listening to others and hearing God say, “Do your part in the body of Christ! Use your gifts for the good of the body,” (my paraphrase of Romans 12:3-8), I have started to take more seriously the stewardship of a gift God has given me to process the Word and the world in writing for the purpose of pointing others to him.  I want to do this while thinking of myself soberly and less.  For me this means beginning to submit public writings not just here on my blog at my will, but to men and women in the church (worldwide) who can help me steward this gift for the good of the church and God’s glory.  
Desiring God has been a source of much encouragement to me in my walk with Christ and so was the first venue through which I have submitted a couple articles and have been so humbled to have published there.  The decision to submit writings to editors and people who give feedback and criticism and sometimes just a simple rejection opens me up to learning to take this gift God has given and start stewarding it for the multiplication of his kingdom.  I’m excited to learn.  I really don’t feel comfortable calling myself a writer because I need to write.  But I do feel comfortable calling myself a glad and happy servant of my Servant King Jesus to the people he loves!  
I mean, I am a nobody.  Really.  There are plenty of famous and much better writers out there.  But, I am a cell in this body.  And maybe it’s just another cell or two that needs to fight off some invading sin or needs help to lift it’s spiritually-anemic head.  If that’s one of the ways God wants to use my life I say a hearty, “Yes!”
If you’re reading this I’d appreciate your prayers that I would seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and forget about myself and be more others minded for their good and God’s glory in my writing.  Pray that I’d learn to use writing as a means of building up the church and bringing God glory.  
May God build up his people, even with a world-digesting writer/eater cell like me. 

Gianna Jessen- Abortion Survivor

The love of Christ for men and women… for human life comes through so beautifully and powerfully in this speech. I hadn’t heard her before… all I can say is Wow! I-wanna-be-like-that-wow!

Part 1

Part 2

“Men! You are made for greatness. You are made to stand up and be men. You are made to defend women and children, not stand by and turn your head when you know murder is occuring and do nothing about it. You are not made to use women and leave us alone. You are made to be kind and great and gracious and strong and stand for something! Because men, listen to me! I am too tired to do your job!
Women. You are not made for abuse. You are not made to sit and not now your worth and your value. You are made to be fought for! Forever! So now is your moment. What sort of people are you going to be? I trust incredible. I trust, men, you will rise to the occasion. To the politicians listening, particularly to the men, I
would say this: You are made for greatness, set your politics aside. You are made to defend what is right and good. This firey young girl will stand here and say: NOW is your moment.” – Gianna Jessen.

*thanks to Fade to Black for these videos

So glad He found me ,

Isaiah 51:3

Truth fails

Have you heard of this, Whale Wars? It’s a new series on Animal Planet. I watched a piece of it the other day and here’s what angered me.

Here’s a group of people who obviously are passionate about saving the lives of a creature God made… whales. They take great risks and go to great lengths to disturb and disrupt to ultimately stop the process of whaling on the part of the Japanese.

Here’s what Animal Planet says about the groups tactics and purpose:

The Society’s fight to eradicate Japanese whaling on the high seas — where
international laws are interpreted by different countries and organizations
in different ways — utilizes some aggressive techniques, including ramming
and disabling whaling ships; disrupting whale carcass processing; engaging
in physical entanglement; and boarding and dispersing fleets of whaling
vessels. For the campaign this season, Sea Shepherd christened its vessel in
honor of the iconic conservationist Steve Irwin with the blessing of his
wife Terri, both of whom support the organization independent of Animal
Planet.

Whaling has no place in the 21st century,” noted Watson. “Sea Shepherd
will not stop until the killing ends.”

Oh my heart!!! All I can hear when I read about this group, or see their show, is the silent cries of millions of unborn, and newly born humans babies… the only creature on the planet God created in His own image and in whom He puts His own Spirit… and I cry, “Infanticide and abortion has no place in the 21st century… in any century!!!!!” Will I not stop crying out until the killing ends?!

I want to cry, “How is this happening?!!! This is not right!!!! There shouldn’t be millions of dollars and programs on T.V. going to the dangerous effort of ending whaling, when the most precious of creatures on the earth are being slaughtered daily under the oppressive lie that it’s a “right” and a very “controversial issue” so one dare not speak too loudly, much less make any kind of disturbance in the process! “

Where is truth!!!!!?


I had all this on my heart this morning and then I read Elizabeth Elliot’s devotional. Here’s some of it:

Give Them Parking Space, But Let Them Starve to Death

Another moral threshold was crossed when a tiny baby boy, at the specific request of his parents and with the sanction of the Supreme Court of Indiana, was starved to death in a hospital. “Infant Doe” (he was not allowed the usual recognition of being human by being named), born with Down’s syndrome and a malfunctioning esophagus (the latter could have been corrected with surgery), died, as the Washington Post (April 18) stated, “not because he couldn’t sustain life without a million dollars worth of medical machinery, but because no one fed him.” For six days the nurses in that Bloomington hospital went about their usual routines of bathing and changing and feeding all the newborns except one. They bathed and changed Baby Doe but they never gave him a bottle. Over his crib was a notice, DO NOT FEED. Several couples came forward, begging to be allowed to adopt him. They were turned down.

What went on in that little box during those six terrible days and nights? We turn our imagination away. It’s unthinkable. But if I were to think about it, and put down on paper what my mind saw, I would be accused of playing on people’s feelings, and of making infanticide (yes, infanticide–call it what it is) an “emotional issue.” Let me suppose at least that the baby cried–quite loudly (at first). One report says that he was placed in a room alone, lest his crying disturb others (others, perhaps, who were capable of helping him).

Joseph Sobran, in his column in the Los Angeles Times Syndicate, suggested that “opposition to infanticide will soon be deplored as the dogma of a few religious sects who want to impose their views on everyone else.” The language sounds sickeningly familiar.

There has been a conspicuous silence from those who usually raise shrill protest when other human rights are violated–the rights of smokers, homosexuals, and criminals are often as loudly insisted upon as those of children, women, and the handicapped.

The handicapped? What on earth is happening when a society is so careful to provide premium parking spaces to make things easier for them, but sees no smallest inconsistency when one of them who happens to be too young to scream, “For God’s sake, feed me!” is quietly murdered? It is in the name of humanity, humaneness, compassion, and freedom that these things occur, but never is it acknowledged that the real reasons are comfort and convenience, that is, simple selfishness.
“Abortion not only prefers comfort, convenience, or advantage of the pregnant woman to the very life of her unborn child, a fundamentally good thing, but seeks to deny that the life ever existed. In this sense it is a radical denial not only of the worth of a specific life but of the essential goodness of life itself and the Providential ordering of its procreation” (R.V. Young, “Taking Choice Seriously,” The Human Life Review, Vol. VIII, no. 3.)

But weren’t we talking about infanticide and haven’t we now switched to abortion? The premises on which abortion is justified are fundamentally the same on which infanticide is seen as civilized and acceptable. What Hitler used to call eugenics is now called “quality of life,” never mind whether the life in question happens to be the mother’s or the child’s. Death, according to three doctors who put the issue out into the open in the New England Journal of Medicine in 1973, is now considered an option in the “treatment” of infants; in other words, a mortuary may now replace the nursery. One cannot help thinking of the antiseptic “shower rooms” of the Third Reich, where the unwanted were “treated” to death. Nor can one forget the words of Jesus, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25:40, KJV).

Can any Christian argue that the smallest and most defenseless are, by virtue merely of being too small and too defenseless, not His brethren?

Oh dear Lord Jesus! I’m overwhelmed! I immediately think of Isaiah 58, where You teach me to fast and pray, not for strife or debate, or to strike with the fist of wickedness, but to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, to break every yoke, to share with the hungry and be hospitable to the poor, and to cover those who are naked and not hide myself from my own flesh. (Isaiah 58:4,6-7). I want to fast for strife or debate about the “abortion issue”! I want to strike with the fist of wickedness like the “Sea Shepherd”… it’s what immediately rises up in me! But the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God! (James 1:20). So Your Spirit shows me the answer and the problem:

Justice is turned back, and righteousness stands afar off; for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter. So truth fails, and he who departs from evil makes himself a prey. Then the LORD saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no intercessor; therefore His own arm brought salvation for Him… He put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloak. According to their deeds, accordingly He will repay… the coastlands He will fully repay. So shall they fear the name of the LORD from the west, and His glory from the rising of the sun; when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him.”

Isaiah 59:14-16, 17-19

Truth fails in the west, in the coastlands, in the place where the rising of the sun is. And what is our part? Not to fast for debate or strife. Not to go the way of Peter in cutting off the offenders’ ear, or the way of the Sea Shepherd in pirating whaling vessels, or bombing abortion clinics… NO! Our part is departing from this evil, though in doing so we make ourselves prey!

As Elizebeth wrote, “Can any Christian argue that the smallest, and most defenseless are, by virtue of merely being too small and too defenseless, not His brethren?”

We who call ourselves the Lord’s must repent of our own sins against the lives of the small and defenseless, and depart from this evil though it makes us vulnerable to the lying, murdering culture we have had a role in creating. WE must abide, and join with, the One who has interceded for us and intercede in much praying! But we must leave the vengeance to the LORD and be thankful that He will repay in perfect justice, not so we or they will be destroyed, but so we will again fear the name of the LORD in the west, because He’ll show us His deliverance when the enemy comes in like a flood and He raises up a standard against him.

We must wait on the LORD and pray fervently and ourselves depart from evil and be willing to be vulnerable to the violence of others when we lovingly speak the truth and cry out for the smallest and the defenseless, teaching others that Christ has made the life of all humanity more valuable than any life on this earth.

May His love draw others out of lies into truth, and may we be willing to suffer as prey to prove His love in our own lives. May we be quick to repent of our own evil and quick to cover the nakedness of others praying for the perfect, loving, merciful justice of the Lord to come to us in the west… that we may fear HIM again!

****

About the Baby Doe case cited in Elizabeth Elliot’s article.
Redeeming the time,