Honestly, I’m drooping

Nine years ago I started keeping a journal which I only write in at the end of the year. The word “faith” is on the cover. It’s where I write reflections on the year and my prayers and longings for the year to come.

I read through the previous years’ entries. As I look back there’s been an increasing intensity in my entries. They’ve gone from excitement in testing to discouragement, yet pressing on to look up.

In 2009 I wrote that if in the past I had felt like I was on a mountaintop “transfiguration” experience in my walk of faith in Christ, that year felt like I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death. In 2010, 11 and 12 if I had one word to describe my entries: refinement. In 2011 I wrote I felt my faith was being crushed into powder. This year, as I look back and look ahead at the race God has set before me, I hear Hebrews 12:1-17 very strongly, especially verse 12-14:

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

I definitely feel like, spiritually, I’m drooping and weak. I feel like my feet are at a cross in the path where striving for peace runs perpendicular to striving for holiness.

I was reminded today that one of the greatest evidences in my life that something is amiss spiritually is my lack of joy. If my eyes were fixed on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith, if my eyes were fixed on what He has done and what He promises to do, I would be rejoicing despite the sorrow that comes with the struggles here.

So I cry out to the One who can help me lift my drooping hands and doesn’t break bent reeds. I call on the One who can restore my weak knees and doesn’t put out a barely flickering flame. I seek direction from the One who would not compromise holiness or peace and therefore was stretched out at that cross in the road and died. For me.


Just letting you know

Hey my fellow Found women!

I just wanted to let you know some things.

1. I fully intend to finish up a series I started on Matters of the Home. Not sure when I’ll get to sit down and post, but, Lord willing, soon.

2. Before I do that though I really want to finish the study through the Proverbs 31 woman I started into last year at Sunny’s blog, A Wife’s Biblical Submission.

3. I’ve been occupied giving my full attention to teaching my boys, prayer, loving my man, and wrestling through some things with the Lord.

4. I’m really excited about a new book I just got to read, review and giveaway by Jill SavageReal Moms… Real Jesus. She’s given me 3 copies to giveaway and I can’t wait to read it so I can do just that. I plan to do that giveaway in June. So look for it. Go over to Jill’s blog and check it out.

So that’s just some things brewing with me… Lots to share as the Lord leads.

I also want to thank you for your always encouraging comments and prayers. You are all such a blessing!

Have a worship-filled weekend!

2008 Year End Thoughts

As I face the new coming year I’m thinking about what I want to leave behind and I’m listening to the Spirit’s quiet voice as I hold up my Lamp for my feet and my Light for my path to guide as I step into the darkness before me.

I want to leave behind my schemes and expectations and abandon myself to a step by step walk of faith starting NOW and pressing on into the new year.

Here’s some Light His Lamp is shedding on my path as I walk through today into 2009:

I do not do this for your sake, O house of Israel, but for My holy name’s sake, which you have profaned among the nations wherever you went. And I will sanctify My great name, which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst; and the nations shall know that I am the Lord,” says the Lord God, “when I am hallowed in you before their eyes. For I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all countries, and bring you into your own land. Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God. I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses. I will call for the grain and multiply it, and bring no famine upon you. And I will multiply the fruit of your trees and the increase of your fields, so that you need never again bear the reproach of famine among the nations. Then you will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good; and you will loathe yourselves in your own sight, for your iniquities and your abominations. Not for your sake do I do this,” says the Lord God, “let it be known to you. Be ashamed and confounded for your own ways, O house of Israel!” ‘Thus says the Lord God: “On the day that I cleanse you from all your iniquities, I will also enable you to dwell in the cities, and the ruins shall be rebuilt. The desolate land shall be tilled instead of lying desolate in the sight of all who pass by. So they will say, ‘This land that was desolate has become like the garden of Eden; and the wasted, desolate, and ruined cities are now fortified and inhabited.’ Then the nations which are left all around you shall know that I, the Lord, have rebuilt the ruined places and planted what was desolate. I, the Lord, have spoken it, and I will do it.” -Ezekiel 36:22-36

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. -Joshua 1:8

Personally, in the rest of this day to come, and the one after that, throughout as much of 2009 as the Lord would give me, I want to stop making law out of everything, and start walking by the new covenant of life by the Spirit- confirmed, corrected, chastized and fed by the Word as I chew on it constantly and continue pressing forward by faith. Not because I see what He’s doing next, or because I’ve figured anything out, just because He’s good, He’s forgiven me ALL my sins, and He’s committed to completing the work He started in me even though I fail.

I want to be committed to rebuilding His reputation, His name in my life, as He works in me (cause it’s He who does it not me… He just lets me hold His hand as we go), and increase in being merciful, agape-ful, gracious and truthful with others.

I want to be more of a giver this year.

I want to pray more and scheme less.

I want to listen more and talk less.

I want to adore Jesus with my life whether I’m doing laundry, or passing out my noon meds, or talking to a neighbor, or playing legos with my kids, or listening to my husband talk about parts for his bike.

When it comes to blogging, I pray the Lord would continue to give me the oppurtunities to pass on the encouragement, comfort, chastizement and admonition He’s given me in a transparent and Christ-magnifying way. And I hope I get to know more of you sweet commenters better too! Oh how I wish you lived near by and we could get together for coffee once a week! 🙂

I pray that whoever you are, and wherever you find yourself today, at the end of 2008, you will call upon the name of the Lord Jesus and be saved in EVERY WAY. And that day by day by day by day you will surrender yourself to His hand as He conforms you little by little, from glory to greater glory, into the image of the Son. May you just worship Him with your life, not giving the sacrifice of “do’s or don’ts” but of thanksgiving!

That’s a prayer for me too!

Amy Charmichael wrote the prayer of my heart for my kids in a beautiful poem if you want to read it you can find it here.

Redeeming the time into 2009 🙂