I have the ability to detach
let the fog roll in and relax
into oblivion.
But the flowers on my table
and the crisp, cool morning air
draw me back to beauty.
I have the ability to check-out
and act like everything is fine.
I can move and watch myself
carry on.
Pressing on.
Walking on.
No one knows its me.
I want to run away.
Drive away.
Get away.
Flee like a bird to
that mountain in the Psalms.
Rescue me.
Don’t let me sink.
Don’t let me grow numb.
Don’t let me lie down and sleep
my life away.
I have the ability to seek peace
and pursue it.
I have the ability to stand in the war
and fight for you.
I have the ability to help you hear
and believe.
I’m intrigued by personality typing. In my connections on Twitter I’ve come to learn of the Enneagram. I’m very much a novice, but I’m convinced after the bit of reading and listening to the Enneagram Journey podcast with a 9, that I’m a 9- a Peacemaker.
I also recently took a Myers-Briggs type personality test and came up as being an INFJ. Again, I’m a novice, but after doing some reading, there’s no doubt in my mind that I am this rare introverted, intuitive, judging, feeling personality that makes up only 1% of the population.
I think what draws me to take tests like this is my tendency to get lost in the intuitive connections I have with others. I start to wonder who I am, what I’m good at, what I like and what God is leading me to do. Even without personality tests, years of hindsight and feedback from my husband of nearly 25 years has helped me see that I am good with people, yet I’m introverted. I understand people and despise conflict. I will go along with just about anything unless it comes up against my convictions of what’s right and then I won’t move. The corrupted part of the personality I am makes me tend to be passive, disconnected, enabling, co-dependent and insecure. Enter Christ.
When I think back to how Christ has changed me if I compare myself to other people’s stories of coming out of sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll lifestyles (that I was taught growing up is what good Christians don’t do) I can’t see much change. Not that external patterns haven’t changed but for me the fruit of Christ in me is more seen when looking at how I relate to people. When I look at the heart of who I am, how pleasing people has controlled me, and how my self-preserving passivity was not piety at all but Pilot-like, I can say with great conviction, Christ has changed me utterly! Not that I’ve arrived. Far from it. I am still bearing the presence of an old self-worshiping nature. But the love of Christ has barged into my comfortable, self-preserving cell and filled me with courage by calling me his own. I am a peacemaker, but no longer for the upholding of myself. I am a peacemaker for the upholding of my King Jesus.
I’m still scared to death of conflict. I hate it. But now when I’m scared I hear his empowering voice calling me to speak in love, boldly, but humbly. I hear him empowering me to stand against evil, pushing it back with good. I see him open my hands letting the idols of human relationship fall so that I can love real humans who will surely cause me pain and take away my self-preserving comfort.
It is helpful for me to know that I am a 9 and a INFJ. Mostly because it helps me to see how Christ has taken one of his weakest, one of his most cowardly and is making me a confident conqueror, making peace by engaging and taking me out of my comfort-zone into relationships for his glory.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
Sheila Dougal 