I’m getting nervous ya’ll.
On Monday I start the capstone class for my BSN. I’ve been trying to sit with this uneasiness and discern where it’s coming from. I’ve decided it’s just the discomfort of being stretched beyond my zone.
I’m a comfort addict. And a chronic conflict-avoider. Those scriptures about God being the God of all comfort and his children being peacemakers I can easily twist to say God doesn’t want me uncomfortable and we’ll just sweep that problem under the rug and try to forget about it.
Can’t do it.
I might try twisting, but the truth just snaps back into place and stings.
God is a God of all comfort and he leads me through very uncomfortable stretching so I can experience HIM as my comfort, not my circumstances. And Christ is the Chief Peacemaker, promising to bless me if I follow him in making peace. But he leads me in doing this by taking up a cross, bearing pain to deal with my sin and the sins of others. Loving, forgiving and enduring. He doesn’t lead me in heaping up more and more trouble under the rug of my life.
So what does my passivity and comfort-lust have to do with my capstone class and completing my BSN? It has to do with entering the stretching zone knowing full-well, this is leading me to less comfortable circumstances and more cross-bearing.
There’s comfort in staying in a position I know well and could practically do with my eyes closed. There’s much poking, prodding and acid-stomach in stepping into a position of formal leadership in nursing, which is where I sense I’m being guided.
But there’s a whiff of refreshment blowing in the wind as I turn down this rocky road. He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it. He is working all things together for my good to conform me to the image of Christ. And one day I will see with my eyes the Scar-Bearing King of the Universe, who bore a bloody cross to lead me, and scandalously, he will say, “Well done! Sit here. What can I get you to eat?”
‘Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. Truly, I say to you, he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them. ‘ Luke 12:37
Take me with you Jesus!