The following is an exercise (begun yesterday) in getting some writing done. It comes in no particular order.
The greatest lie of divorce is that you can escape. You can leave it all behind. You can start over. You can have a new life. It’s a lie. There is no escape. There is no starting over. There is only mangled pieces of torn parts you have to daily mend and tend to and deal with lest you become wholly infected and septic and poisoned.
I learn about myself in looking at the reflections in my kids. In Ryland I see my wonder of things and creation and my tendency to be lazy and procrastinate and be easily distracted. We are very curious people. We greatly enjoy learning and studying creatures and laws of nature and how things work and what they mean in the grand scheme of things.
In Connor I see my bent towards the snare of the fear of man and an adventurous spirit… I want a jeep too Connor! Connor and I are both introverts. We re-energize when we’re alone. Ryland re-energizes when he’s in a group. He hates being alone!
Today at Ryland’s parent teacher conference I was blessed to hear that his teacher recognizes the character I seen in him. She said he’s very social, a leader, assertive and creative. I agree! Connor blushed during his entire parent/teacher conference and practically held his breath the entire time. I am just like that! I have to make myself take deep breaths, remember to focus on the other person, not what the other person thinks of me, remind myself to play to an audience of One and press on.
I hope to teach the boys how to deal with their weaknesses and strengths using the grace and mercy supplied them in Christ, first by being totally reliant on that same mercy and grace myself!
I want to learn how to paint. I think I’ll pick up a kit of some kind. Probably should start with Crayola.
The more I expose myself to the shades of doctrinal perspective in the worldwide and historic Christian church, I realize my convictions place me in a category outside the circle of the congregation I worship with in non-critical issues. But I like it that way. The more I listen to the various perspectives, be it on baptism, or predestination, or the inerrancy of scripture, and many others, the more I believe none of us have an inerrant description of the whole doctrine of Christ as revealed in scripture. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the courage of my convictions, it just means I’m convinced that loving people in the body of Christ that differ from some of my views is more important than finding people that share my perspective.
Today the government shut down… oh my gosh! I’m still breathing, writing, doing dishes and driving a car! How could I ever get along? If there’s a government shut down, shouldn’t that mean the people in DC arguing over paying bills should go home without pay until they can agree to pay their bills?
I watched some of the U.N. General Assembly this morning. I felt like I was watching something verrry important. Netanyahu quoted from Amos and spoke like a strong, determined leader. The Iranian representative sounded like a bully acting like a fussy baby whiner from the playground, pointing his finger crying, “Teacher! He hit me!” after he finished threatening to knock the lights out of a kid half his size.
As I watched these world leaders in a room, I thought, “These are not descendants of apes that resulted from collision of matter in random, chance processes over time! These are the ‘gods’ of Psalm 82. Ruins of Imago Dei ones, nevertheless Imago Dei. And in their brokenness and fallenness they image their Creator God who rules them. They have been given power by Him and He takes their power away!