A Tribute To My Mom

Dear Mom,

I read a post of Facebook the other day where a mom was telling her adult kids what she really wanted for Mother’s Day.  In short: Time with them.  I agree.  Being a mom myself I feel the exact same way.  But since we’re far apart and don’t spend as much time together as we both would like as moms, I wanted to take a minute to tell you, and the world just a few of the reasons I’m so thankful that God made you my mom.

#1  Your songs.

Now that I’m a grown up and have spent years pursuing my own walk with the God of the Bible, I realize there are a lot of messages I swallowed growing up that weren’t so Biblical.  Some things taught as truth were just misunderstood.  Some were mis-taught.  Enter grace.  And hymns.  No matter what I learned about God and life that wasn’t so right growing up, what I learned right I heard in your singing.  When you sang the words, “I need thee every hour...”  you taught me dependence upon the grace found in Christ.  When you cried out in song around the house, “Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand.”  You taught me to cry to God and not pout to myself.  When I heard you worship at bedtime, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...”  You taught me to awe at the salvation found in Jesus.  Your singing planted truth in my soul mom.  And now it has sprouted and grown into it’s very own tree, planted by the same streams of water out of which my soul sings with you, “And he walks with me, and he talks with me, and he tells me I am his own.  And the joy we share as we tarry there.  None other, has ever known.”

#2 Your brokenness

Mom, honestly I used to wish you weren’t broken. I used to wish, with you, we had a neat, tidy, healthy family.  I wanted a yellow house with a picket fence, two happy healthy parents and siblings who got along too.  Who doesn’t want that?  But brokenness has come upon us all.  Even those I thought had that picture perfect family.  And it’s through the brokenness in your life that I have learned to see God’s miraculous way of making beauty out of ashes.  I used to be angry with God for the brokenness I saw everywhere and in my own life.  But the beautiful masterpiece God paints by taking the very cracked up thoughts and emotions, bodies and relationships we all live with everyday and out of them painting a whole new Christ-imaging life makes the beauty of that Norman Rockwell life I had in my head look like a 5 year old’s water color.  God has painted Christ-exalting majesty and glory out of your broken life mom.  Christ in you is beautiful!  Through you Christ has shown himself to me as the Great Physician who has come not for the well, but the sick, like me.  Through you, he has made me to know him as the great bearer of burdens.  Because you have turned to Him, time and time again, I have learned to see myself and others as broken people in desperate need of the love of Christ.

#3  Your creativity

Paper dolls cut out of any piece of cardboard or paper on hand.  Marbles and Jax.  Stories that should be written down and printed as captivating children’s books.  Biscuits to die for.  Your interest in our lives and your creativity and handiwork drew us as children to you.  Your creative, happy, liveliness was Jesus in you causing the little children to come to him.  And he is still at work in you drawing your grandchildren.  God has given you the gift of touching the hearts of young children mom.  Your love of life and interest in investing in the young souls around you has forever changed the course of many lives for God’s glory.

#4 Your diversity

In a small town where everyone was a shade of pale and most people spoke red-neck English, you were a wise woman with a world-wide awareness and a vision for honoring the diversity of God’s people in every tongue, tribe and nation.  Before we could even speak, you were hanging cut out magazine images of babies with different skin-tones on the wall next to our crib.  When Cabbage-Patch dolls were all the rage, you bought your white, freckle-faced children black Cabbage-Patch dolls.  When people of darker pigment came into our our town and didn’t speak much English, you welcomed them into our home and learned to make tortillas from scratch with them.  In a culture that was ignorant to it’s xenophobia, you were planting the truth that in God’s world there are peoples of all cultures, pigments and languages.  And that’s a beautiful thing!

A Woman To Be Praised!

That’s only four reasons out of many for why I thank God every day that he made you my mom!  I celebrate you mom.  I want to pass onto my children the gifts you’ve given me.  Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman like you mom, who is in awe of Christ Jesus our Lord, is worthy to be praised for generations to come!  May God bless the work of your hands mom!

I love you,

Your Lil’ Toad

a fellowship of bearing up

I’m sitting her in my PJ’s in a quiet house, waiting for my oatmeal to finish cooking. I pull up my Bible app on my phone and read the verse of the day:

 Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation.- Psalm 68:19

I chuckle and sigh.  Daily bears us up.  I had just been bemoaning the daily bearing up tasks of being a mom and wife secretly in my heart.  Opening the fridge, taking mental note that there’s nothing to make for dinner and I’ll need to go to the store.  And we’re out of eggs.  And the kids will be up soon and so will begin the grumbling and moaning I’ll get to hear as soon as the call for morning chores is given.  And I need to get pellets for the animals.  And plan for someone to do the morning chores and milking while I’m gone next week.  And I need to make more soap and advertise it and post lotion for sale in the online store.  And I need to contact local retailers about carrying our soaps in their stores.  And I’ll be going to part-time soon and that’ll leave one more day a week for… for… for daily bearing up the needs of the household.

I sigh for a minute.  It’s a blessing that I’m treating like a burden.  But no doubt, it is a burden.  It’s a burden that has to be born up.  Carried.  But it’s a burden with blessing built in because it’s a burden that in it’s very nature shares the likeness of God in it.  It’s a fellowship of bearing up that I get to share with the Living God everyday!

I am no savior.  I do not save my family.  I save no one.  But I get to let the beauty of what God does shine through my life in walking with him under the load of bearing up.  And all the while I point to him as salvation.  He is my salvation.  He’s why I can bear the burden of the needs of this family with delight in the gift it is to get to do it.

It only begins to feel like a tax on me for one reason: sin.  The sins of my husband and children make it painful and draining sometimes to bear the needs of this family.  And my own sinful grumbling and lack of faith cause me to feel the unbearable weight of this calling.  But when I see through eyes of faith, that I join God in the way of bearing up the needs of others, I feel empowered.

God is using my life to show his way among the nations.  Even the Dougals.  I tremble.  What a high and wonderful call.  I don’t need to break the glass ceiling or prove my equality in power with anyone.  I know who I am.  And Whose I am.  And where I’m going.  I can bend down and bear today’s burden.  Because I’m His daughter.  And that’s what He’s doing.

 Quieted,
Sheila

A meditation on saving my life



“See it as a chance to die.”

It’s what I heard walking in the back door after kicking my shoes off with the scattered shoes from every other person in my family. I saw all those shoes, not even in simple pile, and thought of all the times I’ve bent over to pick up shoes and put them in their right place, or called the shoes’ rightful owner to come pick them up and put them in their right place, and I thought, “Why do I even try? I clean up after people all the time, trying to keep some semblance of order in this house but it’s a loosing battle. I mind as well just get rid of the laundry baskets, cause everyone just throws their dirty clothes on the floor. And I mind as well get rid of the shoe box on the patio cause people in this house don’t even seem to care if two shoes are in close proximity to one another!”

As I walked into the kitchen throwing my mental pity party, taking note of all the misplaced coats, hats, blankets, toys, gaming controls, mail, dishes, pens, pencils, papers, and clothing, I heard Elizabeth Elliot say, “See it as a chance to die!”

I really love E. Elliot.  She’s one of my spiritual “older women”.  She’s a no-nonsense, Five Solae exalting woman.  You can’t listen to her and not be clear about the gospel of Christ or His amazing love or our sinfulness.  One of Elliot’s inspirations was Amy Charmichael.  It was Amy who originally said, “Missionary life is simply as a chance to die!” inspiring Elliot to apply that truth to her everyday life.

Christians are called to a most peculiar calling: to die daily.  We don’t die in the 6 foot under sense daily, but we die to our own “rights” and plans and powers.

Usually when I hear those words from Christ in Luke, “And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.“, I think of big sacrifices.

Missionaries like Amy Carmichael and Elizabeth Elliot surely did take up their crosses and follow Jesus in their work as missionaries, but loosing one’s life for Christ sake is not lived out only by missionaries and pastors and those in “full-time ministry”.

Every shoe picked up with a heart of forgiveness, every gentle call to a child to come clean up after themselves, every patient ignoring of a pile of laundry to look into the eyes of world-weary man who’s inviting you to just come sit with him for awhile… all this is a daily dying.  And every irritation I run into in a day is another chance for me to die.  Again.

But there’s more.  Notice the goal of what Christ said , “… but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”  

I don’t really want to die.  Neither in the six foot under sense, nor in the daily stuff sense.  I want to live!  And if you look at the goal of what Christ is saying here, dying isn’t the ultimate goal either!  Living is!

The difference between what I believe and what the health and wealth, get-your-best-life-now folks believe is time.  I believe what Christ said: if we loose our lives now for his sake, we will actually be saving it.  In this life we don’t strive to get our best life and the best stuff and the fountain of youth.  In this life we lay all that down to love others in Christ’s name… with his character.  But in the resurrection we will have no death, no disease, no lack, no pain… pleasures forevermore in the presence of our Savior!

So yes, I choose to see those shoes and the daily messes as a chance to die, but beyond that dying I see my best life coming.

Oh Lord, give me eyes to look past the messes and irritations and daily dyings to the beyond-words life I’ve tasted of in the Spirit now, but will one day fully experience!

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 

– Colossians 3:2-4

 Quieted,
Sheila

Quiet time

(My rockhound kids with his geode finds from Payson last weekend. More on that another post.)

I’m still here. It’s been a full couple of weeks. Mostly full of sickness. UGH!

Tomorrow I get to teach the 3rd and 4th graders at Pathway one of my favorite sections of the Bible.  The part where the lady pours expensive perfume over Jesus head, causing quite the stir.  What others saw as a waste, Christ saw as an act of adoration.

I get to “waste” my life and all I have on responding to the love of Christ with my poured out life.  To some it will be a beautiful perfume.  To others it will smell like a waste.  Like death.

Monday, it’s back to work.  This is the last stretch of time I get to spend with the kids and staff at Wildflower.  I want to leave it better than when I came.  I have a lot of work to do.

I was thinking the other day about how turned upside down my world has been the last few years.  I had a plan.  It didn’t go my way.  And that’s a good thing.  I am no Joseph.  But I agree with Joseph, things done were wrong, but God had a plan.  And part of that plan was to cause me to be refined.  It is good that I’ve been afflicted.  It’s caused me to learn God’s word even more.  Being a homemaker isn’t about where you make money, or if you make money; it’s about making a home that honors the Creator of marriage and parents and family. Christ-like submission is not weakness or slavery or doormatishness; it’s Christ-like.  It’s not submission to wallow in self-pity.  That’s just pouting because I want things my way.  It’s not submission to gladly do whatever you agree to.  That’s agreeing.

Entrusting yourself to Him who judges justly.  That’s Christ-like submission.  It’s good that I’ve been and continue to be afflicted.

May Christ be magnified in me!

I’ve been off Facebook and Blogger quite a bit.  It’s good.  I’ve wanted to write many things, yet I’ve had this whispering in my heart:

Learn in quietness.

Some will think that’s a waste.  At least One will think is smells beautiful.

 Quieted,
Sheila

Got power?

Committing Colossians to my heart, this struck me:

…being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father… Colossians 1:11-12a

We Christ-clinging ones, we have heard and believed and desire to live a life worthy of the Lord, though we know we will never live a life worthy of Him.  We have become fruit-bearers by His Spirit and have begun to be filled with wisdom and understanding and are being strengthened so that we may…

Have the best family we can?
Have a happy marriage?
Have obedient children?
Have a successful career?
Be financially secure?
Have a successful ministry?
Be healthy and happy?

No! Oh how selfish I am even with His grace!

Oh how I have missed the boat so many times.  So many times my thoughts begin to drown in a sea of contempt due to all the expectations I unknowingly had when the gospel-boat, the Ark of Christ came to me.  I’m so thankful He is restoring me, despite my proud ear-lopping reactions to His will to take up my cross and follow Him.  I’m so thankful He still says, “Feed my sheep.”  I hang my head in shame, but he lifts my head and talks of love and what His power in me is for.  Three things.

Endurance.
Patience.
Joyful-Thanksgiving.

That Holy-Spirit power is not for what I think it may be for.  He’s here in me so I can endure the loss of the very things I mistakenly thought He was going to give me. 

Will I endure?  Only with His glorious power. 

Will I be patient?  Only with the strength of His might. 

Will I give Joyful-Thanks?  Only if I see what His power in me is really for.  And when I see it; when I see that Christ-like endurance press through my depraved flesh; when I see the godly bend-down-to-be-the-servant like my Servant King patience take it’s knee-stand in me, bearing with another fallen Imago Dei one, then I will be gushing with joyful thanksgiving. 

For there’s really nothing else this redeemed one desires this side of heaven than to be redeemed, to glorify Him, to be a reflector of His grace to another.

Quieted,
Sheila

Our Epic

I really like epic movies. You know, good battles evil enduring much suffering and even death to overcome and ultimately triumph for the rescue of many. Its a thread of truth which seems to run through so many of our imaginings in movies and books.
In none of these tales do the heroes or heroins set out to suffer for sufferings sake. No, they are guided by a fixed right which is opposed. It isn’t as though they set out to prove they are right, they just set out to do right. In the process they are tempted, tried and often tormented physically and or emotionally.

I recently watched Legend of the Guardians. It was right up my alley of enjoyable movies. In the story, Ezylryb, an old, raggedy looking owl in the “good” camp is the legendary character from a once-thought mythical tale told by the the believing main character. Turns out Ezylryb is not a myth. In fact he’s so real he’s somewhat of a disappointment to the owls who’ve discovered him. He has this great line in the movie where he points to his scars and mangled feathers and says something like, …there is nothing glorious in being a warrior; it’s simply doing what’s right, over and over again. Even if it leaves you like this!

I LOVE that line! It reminds me of life as a Christian. Its not that we should set out for persecution and martyrdom… there’s nothing glorious in suffering. Rather we are made more than conquerors by letting the love of Christ compel us as His Holy Spirit lives in us to do what is right over and over again. Even if it leaves us scarred and mangled.

I think this is kind of what Paul was saying when he reminded us what really matters as we live following Christ our Hero:

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. -1 Corinthians 13:3

Love. Christ-like love is the right we are to set out to do over and over again even if it leaves us bruised and broken.
Christ-like love is not pampering or mushiness or even sentimentalism. Christ-like love sets out to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our Almighty Father God. It doesn’t set out to make everyone like you. It doesn’t set out to even fulfill one’s own greatest potential. It lays down its life for others.

We who follow Christ get to live out (by His mercy and grace) the greatest epic our lives could ever play a role in. Our epic is Christ’s love.

May we love, over and over, even if in this life it leaves us like a beat-up old owl.

What is important is faith expressing itself in love. -Galatians 5:6

Quieted,
Sheila